Do you lack a sense of belonging? Do you lack a sense of accomplishment? Do you lack a sense of worth or importance? Do you feel like you're not accepted for whom you are? If you answered, "yes," to any of these questions, then you're not alone. Most people do. These are core questions that everyone struggles with frequently and sometimes even on a continual basis.
Here are a few ideas and actions that can help address these questions. These actions are mutually beneficial such that the increase of one causes an increase in the others.
First, people will be more likely to accept and to like you when you share and offer needed help freely. Think of how you respond when someone does this on your behalf. Do you not like or accept someone a little more when he or she helps you or shares with you? If you do (and most people do feel this way), then share or offer help to the needs of another, and, in return, you will be, more than likely, more accepted by the other person.
Second, practice the first action often and multiple times with the same individuals. The more you extend help and kindness to the same person multiple times, then the more likely that person will accept you. As long as you're being sincere, of course, in your helping and sharing.
Third, as you take action on these first two ideas, be sure to take notice if the other person is thankful, enjoying, and liking you for your efforts and assistance. If the other person is responding favorably to you and to your helpful efforts, then realize that you have accomplished something: genuinely helping and assisting another in such a way that the other person is responding to affirm your efforts.
Fourth, as the first three are frequently repeated, then, over time, an acquaintance can develop that may also lead to friendship and even acceptance into the other person's friendships with others. In this be aware that you now have a place to belong. This place to belong is the acquaintance and friendship with the person you are helping and sharing with regularly.
Finally, a sense of meaning and purpose can be gained through consciously realizing your positive impact upon the lives of others as you routinely practice the first four steps. Your selfless actions have benefited others and that is purpose and positive impact. Being helpful and sharing with others on an ongoing basis is the means by which meaning and purpose are formed because such actions yield greater senses of acceptance and belonging through the first four steps.
In practicing these five steps, there are some precautions of which to be aware.
The first precaution is to be alert for those individuals who may take advantage of you for their own gain. Still be willing to help and to share with such persons, but be wise and cautious in what and how much is shared with or how much help is given to such people. This is unfortunate, however, it is a reality.
Second, be mindful of the jealousy from others. As you help and share with others and as they respond favorably, others may take notice and become jealous of your actions and the benefits that come from your actions.
A third precaution is to be watchful for the unappreciative or ungrateful recipient. Some may not show appreciation for your help or sharing actions. It is probably safe to say that most people are appreciative and grateful but have inner struggles that hinder them from showing appreciation or gratefulness. It can be difficult, but help and share with such individuals anyways. Maybe your actions will help them in the long term, and if not, then be confident knowing you have taken the higher road to share and to be helpful in spite of the other's attitude.
The final precaution is to avoid the desire to focus a lot of effort on a particular person in hopes that he or she will respond favorably to you and, in particular, accept you. Do not be discouraged when someone who you want to take notice turns out to be that person who is unappreciative or ungrateful. It happens, unfortunately, for a variety of reasons.
In spite of these precautions, do try the first five ideas. Share and offer needed help freely to people on a regular basis.
Hope this helps us all.
Dr. Joe Rubino has a self-esteem course that has seen good results. Check on it here.